August 19, 2009

out of sorts

Is it the weather? The work? The lack of prospects? The slow cash flow? The diet? The exercise, or the lack of? The monthly nemesis?

Out of sorts lately. Had to make some effort before falling asleep, only to wake up a couple times near the break of dawn. Then, either feeling really tired or really restless when it's time to wake up.

Dragging myself to work because motivation is at a non-supply. The meaninglessness of it, of doing things, saying things that are going to be non-productive anyway, to any of the kids. A bit like singing to the cows, knowing it's impossible, yet hoping for them to produce soya bean milk.

The term is 'burnt out'. I guess so. I don't think my work matters at all. I don't see progression, no improvement. Just me and my regurgitation. Everyday. Empty promises too. As if I should ever take seriously the promises of kids. Even adults over-promise. Non-performance. Low morale. If I were my employer (in a way, which I am), I'm gonna fail my appraisal.

Nothing's looking up yet. I think I will try to sleep again.

Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 15:31